Sonntag, 15. April 2007

English Task 2

A BURGLARY WITH HORRIBLE CONSEQUENCE


London (L.DEG.). Last night a burglary had happened in Grintalley, which ended in a gunfight. The night from 16.4 to 17.4 two men and a boy about ten years got into Mr. Brownlow’s house. Mr. Brownlow is the owner of a big bookshop.

At midnight the burglars broke into his house. But the burglaries were disturbed by the housekeeper Mrs. Bedwin, who had became awaked by a loud noise.
As she saw the burglaries she began to cry for Mr. B. In this moment she recognized the young boy.
It was Oliver Twist, who had lived at their house for a couple of days, and who was suddenly maltreated without a trace.
Now everything went on very fast. The boy wanted to escape form the burglaries, a shot felt and the boy lay hurt on the floor.
During that Mr. Brownlow had risen and was coagulated to the entrance. But he could only see how the burglaries ran away with the boy.

Mrs.Bedwin stood still under shock: “It was so horrible. Oh my little Oliver is hurt now, somewhere with these terrible burglars in the dark. And maybe he will die. Oh, my god! I can’t help him.”
We asked Mr. Brownlow, if he believes that the boy had broken into the house voluntarily:
“No, no, no, never! He is such a lovely boy. I’m sure he was forced to do it.”

Now the police are searching for two men at about 40 and a hurt boy, called Oliver Twist. Maybe the boy is dead.
The police would be glad for any information
.
by Larissa and me
Words: 268

1 Kommentar:

Guenter hat gesagt…

t: "last night" --> past tense (happened)
exp: the night from Friday to ... (use the days rather than the date)
exp: a boy of about 10 years
exp: "got" --> tried to burgle / broke into / .... --> use better expressions than "got"!
g: "broke into his house" --> it's not clear who "his" refers to
g: "had became" --> grave error!!!!
"awake" = irregular verb!
exp: burglar = Einbrecher, burglary = Einbruch
exp: AT this moment
exp: "maltreated without a trace" --> What should it mean???
exp: "Now everything went on very fast." --> incorrectly expressed
exp: fall / fell <---> feel / felt
exp: "during that" --> "while"
exp "the boy lay hurt on the floor" --> sounds German to me
exp: "and was coagulated to the entrance" --> What should this mean?
str: "see how the burglaries ran away with the boy" -> see the burglars run away with the boy
exp: "stood still under shock" --> like German
C?: "We asked Mr. Brownlow, ...j" ---> reports are impersonal!!!
exp: two men who are about 40 years
exp: hurt --> an injured boy

The structure itself is mostly correct although the first paragraph doesn' contain all the necessary information (--> consequence). However, your English is terribly weak here, I'm afraid to say. This is often like a literal (wortwörtlich) translation from German. Quite a few terrible mistakes.